Excerpt from A Time to Separate, A Time to Come Together….. 

Anger and embarrassment is a terrible thing.  It seems that sometimes parents can stay angry at one another forever, but this is not so. It is written in the Book of Isaiah that: 

“When you see the naked, that you cover him, and that you hide not yourself from your own flesh. . . . Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say: ‘Here I am’ ” (Isa. 58:7 and 9) 

From this verse in the Prophets we learn of the story of 

Rabbi Yose and his Wife 

“That you hide not yourself from your own flesh.” These words apply to the divorced wife of Rabbi Yose the Galilean from whom he did not hide. 

Rabbi Yose the Galilean had a mean wife, who used to put him down and embarrass him in front of his students. When his students said to him, “Master, divorce this woman, for she does not treat you with proper respect,” he replied, “The marriage settlement I would have to pay her is more than I can afford, so I cannot divorce her” 

One time, he and Rabbi Eleazar ben Azariah were sitting and studying, and when they finished, Rabbi Yose asked Rabbi Eleazar, “Will the master come with me to my house?” Rabbi Eleazar said, ‘Yes.” As they entered, Rabbi Yose’s wife lowered her face rudely ignoring the guest. When Rabbi Yose noticed a pot standing on the stove and asked her, “Is there anything cooking in the pot?” she replied, “There is only hash in it.” Upon uncovering the pot, however, he found it full of plump chicks. Rabbi Eleazar ben Azariah was in this way made aware that Rabbi Yose’s wife was not at peace with her husband. 

So, as they sat together eating, he observed, “Master, did she not say it was hash? Yet we found chicks in the pot.” Rabbi Yose: “The chicks are here because of a miracle.” When they finished eating and drinking, Rabbi Eleazar said to Rabbi Yose, “Master, divorce this woman, for she does not treat you with proper respect.” Rabbi Yose replied, “The marriage settlement I would have to pay is more than I can afford, so I cannot divorce her” Rabbi Eleazar: “I will give her the marriage settlement due her” So Rabbi Yose divorced her and was soon married to another woman, who was respectful and kind. 

The divorced wife’s mean ways brought it about that she married the town watchman, a man below her station. After some time, the watchman suffered many problems and sickness. Because of his troubles  he lost his job and soon became blind. 

His wife had to hold him by the hand and lead him around all the neighborhoods of the town to beg for alms. When she reached Rabbi Yose the Galilean’s neighborhood, she stopped and turned back. Since her husband was very familiar with all sections of the town, he said to her, “Why don’t you lead me to Rabbi Yose the Galilean’s neighborhood? He, I heard, gives much to charity.” She replied, “I am his divorced wife, and I cannot bring myself to face him.” 

Once, after making the rounds of the entire town and being given nothing, they reached the neighborhood of Rabbi Yose the Galilean, and again she stopped. When her husband realized why she stopped, he began to beat her, and the noise they made drew the attention of many in the marketplace. Just then, Rabbi Yose happened to look out and, seeing them exposed to public shame in this way, asked the husband, “Why are you beating her?” He replied, “Because every day she causes me the loss of money from this neighborhood.” Upon hearing this, Rabbi Yose took them and settled them in a house he owned, and provided for all their needs for the rest of their lives. 

The voice of the poor woman was heard at night to say, “It was easier for me to have a bear the blows of my husband than the pain to accept the charity of Rabbi Yose.  The first only injured my body, but the latter touched my very soul within me.” 

Y. Ketubos 11:3, 34b; Genesis Rabbah 17:3; Leviticus Rabbah 34:14

Each chapter in A Time to Separate, A Time to Come Together by Rabbi Rachmiel Tobesman teaches children important skills to cope with the traditions and confusion so common when parents divorce. Divorce does not mean the family will be separated forever. There will come a time that the family will come together again. This unique workbook is filled with many activities and much more, which makes it an invaluable resource for parents and children. It will help you grow closer to your parents and family. As you fill this book, it becomes your own—a special treasure that you can keep forever… 

For more information, log on to http://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.asp?bookid=54748

Tags: Rabbi's thoughts and teaching, Stories, Uncategorized by Rabbi
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As people listen to stories of faith, it is as it is written “find rest for your souls.” (Jer. 6:16). As the tales touch the mind, heart and soul of the listener a change takes place. There is nothing that restores the soul, purifies the heart, deepens the mind, and bring one closer to our Father in Heaven than a stories. “A little refreshment goes a long way” (San. 103b) 

The Maggid (storytelling rabbi) traveled from place to place and was never lacking for a tale to touch the heart and soul. With some of his stories, he was able to guide some back to the ways of goodness. His gift was that he never had to prepare, but was able to produce the right stories at the right time. 

One time the maggid came to a synagogue where the rabbi welcomed him warmly. “Please tell me a story,” he asked. 

The maggid, who was tired from the long trip, thought for a moment and began, “A man once went to the market to buy a goat. On his return home his wife tried to milk the goat, but no milk was forthcoming. ‘What kind of goat did you let them sell you? It may look like a goat, but it certainly does not act like a goat.’

“‘Don’t worry,’ the husband said. ‘It is a very fine goat. However, she was not fed and watered in the market­place, and she is very tired from the long trip. Give her something to eat and drink, and let her rest up a bit, and she will give you all the milk you want.’ ”

May all your tales end with shalom (peace)

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The highest level of faith is one that is free of the prevailing thoughts and beliefs of society. 

Faith binds one to tradition. A tradition that satisfies the soul, and allows one an inner peace. A troubled soul will only be content only after an extensive investigation. A person hopes that they will be able to justify and corroborate the authenticity of man made traditions. 

Sadly, too many see the world through the eyes of science and technology and become masters of words. They delight in debate. 

The one who sees the world on the spiritual level cannot be swayed by the debates because their wisdom is based upon faith. 

THE SHABBOS CANDLES 

A young girl went to religious school for the first time.  Her grandparents wanted her to learn about the beauty of being Jewish.  Well, from the first day the young girl liked Religious school.  Each day she would learn something new and was very excited. 

One day she came home from school wanting to share what she had learned about Shabbat.  She ran in the door, “Mommy, mommy guess what I learned in school today?” the young girl began:

“We learned that G-d made the world in six days and he rested on the seventh day.  Ya know what mommy?  We should rest on Shabbos (the Sabbath Day) too.”

The mother patiently listened to her daughter and then said, “What you’ve learned is very nice, but we don’t do things that way.” 

Another day the young girl came home and excitedly told her mother, “Mommy, today I learned that on Erev Shabbos (Friday) the whole family eats dinner together, Shabbos candles are lit and Kiddush is said because Shabbos is such a special day.  An ya know what else?  The whole family talks and sings together.” The mother listened to her daughter and explained, “we are very busy during the weekend and don’t have time for those type of things.” 

A week later the young girl burst into the house on Sunday afternoon after Religious school and told her father, “Daddy, today I learned the Beracha (blessing) to say over the Shabbos candles, I’m going to light candles on Shabbos the way bubbie and zadie do on Shabbos.” The father answered, “You will do no such thing. All that is old fashioned and has no place here. I do not want you lighting any candles.” 

Now the young girl was sure that if her parents could see the beauty of the Shabbos candles they would understand what she felt.  So all week she thought, and she thought, and she thought some more until she decided what to do. 

Friday afternoon she rushed home from school, cleaned the house and swept the floors (as best as a little girl could). She set the table with a clean white tablecloth, napkins and dishes. Then she went to set up the candles for Shabbos.  She knew where her mother kept them, they were up on the third self of the kitchen cabinet.  So she climbed up onto the countertop and opened the cabinet and took down two Shabbos candles, they were in their own glass holders. (Note:  The candles in the glass containers were Yahrzeit Candles – Memorial Candles). She placed them on the table on a sheet of silver foil. Everything was ready for her parents. She knew they would be surprised and would finally understand what she was trying to tell them. 

The sun was getting lower and lower in the sky, and she remembered that her teacher at Religious School told her that the candles had to be lit before sundown. It was getting late and the little girl was waiting for her mother, but soon it would be too late. The little girl prepared to light the Shabbos candles. She covered her eyes and began, “Baruch ata Adoshem elo…” When she heard her mother scream, “What are you doing?” the young girl turned and saw both her parents standing in the diningroom staring at her.  She smiled and said, “I lit these candles for you because I love you.” 

From that day on both her mother and father helped her with Religious School, they kept Shabbos and Yom Tov.

===============

True faith is deep within one’s inner self and once found will allow one to see the world on many levels. 

There is “fun” in the confines of belief. The wonder, beauty and adventure are there for the experience. All one has to do is look at the world around them through the eyes of their faith.

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Tags: Faith, Rabbi's thoughts and teaching, Shabbos, Stories by Rabbi
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You shall seek G-d and you shall find Him, but you must search for Him wholeheartedly” (Deuteronomy 4:29). Even after you have found G-d, you must continue to search for Him wholeheartedly. G-d is infinite, and you should not be so compla­cent as to think that you have already found Him. Keep searching, because there is so much more (Kotzker Rebbe). 

A man who had drifted away from religion came to a holy rabbi and gave him a long list of sins he had committed over the years, and told the holy rabbi that he had  hoped by fasting frequently and punishing himself by sleeping on the ground and putting pebbles inside his shoes, he could be forgiven for his terrible deeds. He won­dered whether all of his actions were sufficient to attain forgiveness for his sins. 

The holy rabbi listened closely and studied the list of sins carefully. Then he remarked, “It appears that you have done a complete job. Truly a complete job.” 

The young man was pleased that the rabbi appeared to have approved of his penance. “Then I am forgiven?” he asked. 

“Not quite,” the holy rabbi said. “You began by committing sins to ruin your neshamah (soul). Having done that, you then directed your attention toward ruining your body as well. That is a complete job.” 

According to many great rabbis, atonement does not require self-torment and punishment. Rather, one should understand the gravity of transgressing the Divine will, appreciate how injurious this is to oneself, and make a concerted effort to refine his character so that he is no longer likely to repeat the improper behavior. Self-punishment can mislead one to think that he has achieved atonement, whereas nothing in his character may have changed. 

An old Jewish teaching tells us that “great is repentance: it brings healing to the world.” (Yoma 86a) Let us all hope that we can bring about a healing in the world.

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The Rambam makes the following fascinating observation upon his conclusion of the halachos of Chanukah, in his Mishneh Torah. 

If one has insufficient funds for both Shabbos candles and for Chanukah candles, or for Shabbos candles and wine for Kiddush, Shabbos candles take precedence, because of the shalom bayis—the peace and domestic tranquility, which they bring into the home. Behold, G-d’s Name is erased, in order to foster peace between a man and his wife.

At which point, the Rambam concludes with the following beau­tiful words. Peace is exceedingly great, for the entire Torah was given in order to foster peace in the world. As it says: 

Her ways are ways of beauty, and all her paths are peace. (Proverbs 3:17) 

One Chanukah eve, Reb Nachum delayed lighting his Menorah, even though the preferable time for lighting the Menorah had already passed. It was not until his wife arrived that Reb Nachum lit his Menorah. 

Later, Reb Nuchum was asked why he had waited for his wife, since, according to the halacha, a man can light the Menorah in behalf of his wife, even in her absence. Reb Nachum replied that he was aware of that halacha. However, he knew that his wife always looked forward eagerly to this mitzvah, and she would be deeply hurt if he kindled the Menorah without her. He therefore waited for her to return. 

The ways of Torah are, indeed, ways of beauty and of peace.

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A certain rich man had ten sons. He swore that on the day of his death he would give each of them one hundred gold coins. In due course he lost part of his money and all he had left was nine hundred and gold coins. So he gave the nine hundred to nine sons, and the youngest one said to him:

“Father, what shall I do? How can you leave me penniless?”

The Rich man thought for a moment or two and answered his youngest son:

“I swore to give each one of you one hundred gold coins and I could not break my oath. But only fifty are left me, and I have taken thirty of them for shrouds when I die, so I shall give you the other twenty. For I never thought that the money would be lost to me. But I have ten companions. I shall give them to you and they are better than a thousand dinars. And he instructed his companions about his youngest son, and then he died and was buried. 

The nine sons went off to do business, each going his own way, and the youngest one was left at a complete loss, not knowing what he should do. Meanwhile he spent nineteen gold coins and only had one gold coins left. Then he said:

 what use can those ten friends my father left me be, when he told me that they would be better than a thousand gold coins? But he took counsel and invited them to his home and spent the last dinar for a feast. They ate and drank with him and said to one another: “This is the only one of all the brothers who keeps his father’s affection for us. We have to keep that affection too and not let him go, but show him kindness for his deeds.” 

So each of them gave him a cow in calf and money. The cows gave birth and he sold them, and gathered his money together and tried his hand at commerce. The Lord blessed him and made him richer than his father. Then he said: “My father said truly that friends are better than all the money in the world.” 

Therefore a man should increase friends and honor and keep them. It is well to remember that he “who finds a faithful friend finds a treasure. (ben Sira 6:14)

Tags: Faith, Rabbi's thoughts and teaching, Stories by Rabbi
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People of all ages enjoy stories. They laugh, sigh, cry, and smile as they enjoy age-old lessons and tales of Jewish communities throughout the world.

In the past, Jewish storytellers (maggidim) traveled from community to community to strengthen the heart and soul of the Jewish people. The stories told of greatness, nobility, and courage, celebrating the wisdom of the ages. They celebrated Jewish heritage and tradition; while at the same time, they elevated the hopes of people for a better tomorrow. 

Rabbi Rachmiel Tobesman is an old time maggid (Jewish Storyteller) who will be telling stories at Congregation Oheb Sholom (555 Warwick Dr) in Reading, Pa on Sunday 13 December at 10:00 a.m., followed by a workshop on spiritual storytelling. He will tell special Chanukah stories at Congregation Beth Abraham Anshei Sfard (6208 Wallis Ave) in Baltimore, MD at 7:00 p.m. on 14 December.

The simple unfolding of the maggid’s stories strongly motivates a person toward the Holy One, Blessed be He. All the stories reflect the mystery, wonder, beauty, honor, tradition, and spirituality of all people. The stories contain great power to uplift people and help them on their spiritual journeys.

Please join us for a special Chanukah telling of tales of old. For more information contact Project Shalom at projectshalom1@aol.com

Tags: Chanukah, Holiday, Rabbi's thoughts and teaching by Rabbi
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“Kol z’man she’haner dolek, efshar l’takain”

“As long as the candle is still lit, it is possible to fix…”

It was a cold, dark evening. Not a star glittered in the sky, nor did the moon light up with even the tiniest flicker.  Clouds hung over the dusky sky, and a chill wind sliced through the thin walls of the simple houses.  Men hurried home from Ma’ariv (evening prayer), their coats clutched about them. 

The Rebbe in his long black coat, walked alone.  He passed his students by hurrying out of shul through a side door before they realized it.  He was lost in deep thought, and did not wish to be distracted.         

“Ribono Shel Olam,” he sighed to himself.  “I am getting older, yet there is still so much I have yet to accomplish.  People come to me for advice, considering me a complete saint, but only You, Merciful One can clearly see my lackings – I am far from complete.  What will be?  There is so little time. So little time. It is said that it can take a lifetime to change a habit, and it is late.  Oh, Ribono shel Olam, it is so late!” 

Suddenly, a small flicker of light caught his attention.  As if in a trance, he walked slowly toward the glow.  He found himself before the shop of Yossele the tailor.  The Rebbe entered slowly, not quite sure why he was driven to pursue the tiny ray of light that had penetrated his introspection. 

He stood in the doorway, fascinated.  Yossele sat hunched over a tiny candle; a half finished garment in one hand and an almost invisible threaded needle in the other.  In a gentle, rhythmic motion, he pushed the needle through the garment, and pulled it, drawing the thread tight.  The small flame flickered to and fro as Yossele pushed the needle, and pulled it tight.  

Push the needle and pull it tight… 

The Rebbe stood silently for a moment, watching Yossele’s eyes squinting in concentration by the light of the candle stub. 

Push the needle and pull it tight… 

“Yossele,” the Rebbe spoke softly. “Yossele, why don’t you stop now?  It is dark, and the night is cold.” 

Yossele looked up at the Rebbe.  His eyes seemed to glow with a gentle intensity that outshown the glow of the candle.

“But Rebbe,” he almost whispered, his hands never ceasing to push the needle through and pull it tight, “There is much to fix…” 

 The Rebbe’s eyes swept over the room, taking in the piles of clothing waiting to be mended. 

“Rebbe,” the tailor repeated almost reproachfully, “As long as the candle is burning, one can sill fix . . .” 

Push the needle and pull it tight… 

The Rebbe’s eyes widened, He felt an all-encompassing lightness overtake him.  He was free of his burden. 

“Ribono shel Olam!  Now I understand!  As long as the candle is still burning, one can fix . . . and mend . . . his soul . . .

one  . . .stitch . . .at a time…” 

Push the needle and pull it tight… 

Kol z’man she’haner dolek, efshar l’takain.

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The tales and stories of faith are filled with treasures that are becoming lost in a world where science, technology and mass media capture the attention of people. The storytellers of the sacred stories are lost in a society that looks for entertainment and not “lessons”, Not many have the “gift” and few want to learn the art. 

When one looks for spiritual guidance they are often directed almost exclusively to the Scriptures or House of Worship, but the beauty and wonder become lost in a deluge of religious facts and things to memorize. One’s beliefs are like a fine gem. When one looks at a gem, they don’t look at just one facet, but the whole stone….

The Flawed Stone

In a long forgotten kingdom, many, many years ago, there lived a very wise king who was loved by all in his kingdom. But, alas, the king had one fault, he was at times selfish. 

In his bedchamber, under his bed, he kept a chest and in that chest there was a magnificent stone. Every night he would take the stone out and he would look at it as he turned it around, it caught the light in its many different sides. It was perfect. 

One night the king was distracted for the briefest of moments and the stone fell to the ground. When the king picked up the stone, he saw a crack that ran from one end to the other. The stone was flawed. 

The king called for all the jewelers and gem setters within the kingdom to repair the stone, but, alas, they could do nothing. The king called for the stone and gem cutters and after looking at it they said the only way the stone could be saved was to cleave it in two. 

The king would not hear of it. 

The King had a pedestal erected in his throne room, and upon the stand he set the stone with a sign above it that said: 

LET IT BE KNOWN TO ALL WITHIN AND WITHOUT  MY KINGDOM THAT JUST AS THIS STONE IS FLAWED,  SO IS THE KING. LET NO ONE BE SELFISH.

 The stone sat upon the stand in the throne room for seven years. In the seventh year there came a rabbi, an old and ancient rabbi, who looked upon the stone and said: “I can fix the stone. I can make it more beautiful than it was before it was flawed.” 

The guards thought the sage was old and without skill nor reason, but the king invited the ancient rabbi to look at the stone. The rabbi took the stone and carefully looked at it and said he needed but three days to work upon the stone. Then the rabbi covered stone with a black cloth and took it into a chamber which was provided for him. He closed and bolted the chamber door. 

The ancient rabbi lifted his hands towards the heavens and he began, “Ribbono shel Olam, Master the universe, give me the strength and the skill to complete the task before me.” For a day and a half the rabbi prayed, and for day half scratching, scraping, and sounds of broken glass was heard from that chamber. 

When the third day came everyone gathered in the throne room. Every eye watched as the black cloth was slowly removed from the stone and there were oo’s and ah’s for the stone was indeed more beautiful than it was before it was flawed. 

For you see from the crack the old rabbi had etched leaves and out of the top of the stone the rabbi had carved a perfect thirteen petalled rose. 

When the king saw the stone he admired its magnificence and realized that it was indeed more beautiful than it was before it was flawed. He walked slowly through his palace marveling at the stone and realized that anyone might want the stone and would become jealous and selfish. He finally came to the courtyard and took the stone from his left hand and put in his right hand, reached back and threw it with all his might into the heavens. The stone went higher and higher until it was seen no more, for it disappeared into the heavens. 

But this is not the end of the tale. For you see that that stone sits in the Crown of Glory. When one looks at a gem stone, one does not look at each facet as an individual, but at the whole stone. If one facet is flawed then the whole stone is flawed. 

Each person of faith is a facet in the stone and that sits in the Crown of Glory, and the day is fast approaching when every person of faith shall join hands. On that day they will be so strong that no force shall be able to separate them. 

Let us all pray for that speedy day to arrive.

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