Mlubarsky raises a good question in her comment to the post, Creation of the Perfect Woman:

Rabbi,

I remember you telling that story to my Hebrew School class in 1992. It made me feel good about being a Jewish girl (I’m now a woman), but no one else taught the way you did. I have heard from Rabbis and teachers that religious Jewish women are treated badly and not respected.

I appreciate your opinion, but can you explain why, if we have such great stories, are Jewish women treated the way they are?

The teachings about women go beyond the stories.

Every Friday evening as Jewish families welcome the holy Sabbath Day, a portion od Proverbs are read even  before Kiddush that begins:

A woman of valor who can find, for her value is far above that of rubies.   Proverbs 31:10

And continues to praise the many merits of women. It is held that the true blessings and goodness come to the family and community through the actions of the women:

We read:  “He will bless the House of Israel”  (Tehillim 115:12), namely, the women.  “He will bless the House of Aaron,”  namely, their women.  He will bless them that fear the L-rd,”  namely the man.      Zohar, IV 117b

We learn that Hashem has endowed women with a special sense of wisdom which man which lacks. (Niddah 45a) And that the sanctity of the family and community is through the women. In fact the many trials and sins of the generation of the wilderness was opposed by the women who tried to undo the damage caused by the Golden Calf and the frequent challenges to the holoy One, blessed be He. This is why it is taught that “the custom of women is Torah.” (Y. Pesachim 4.1)

The question you raise is not one of spirit or belief, but one of culture and society. Unfortunately as people have drifted away from the holy teachings and embraced the ways of the material world and the values of the prevailing society, the mistreatment of women has manifested itself to such and extent that one can no longer distinguish between the holy teachings and the ways of man.

May all your tales end with Shalom (peace)

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G-d cast a deep trance upon the man, and he slept. He took one of his ribs, and closed the flesh in its place..:. G-d built the rib that He took from the man into a woman, and He brought her to the man. (Gen. 2:22)

Everything is influenced by the source from which it was created. G-d therefore arranged things so the woman was not created from any place that would have an adverse influence because he wanted her to be perfect.

He said:

“If I create her from the head, she will be lightheaded and frivolous.

If I create her from the eyes, she will be overly curious. She will sit by the window, with her eyes wide open so as not to miss anything.

If I create her from the ears, she will always be listening to gossip, causing much strife when she spreads news about others’ affairs.

If I create her from the mouth, she will be talkative and a gossip.

If I create her from the heart, she will be jealous.

If I create her from the hands, she will constantly handle things and be a meddler.

If I create her from the feet, she will be wanderer and promiscuous”

G-d wanted woman to be as perfect as possible, and not to have any undesirable traits. He therefore created her from a place which could not have any adverse affect on her personality. He wanted her to be intrin­sically free of all adverse traits.

Every person has free will and if a woman chooses a path that is not tempered with righteousness and mercy she can develop adverse traits.

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Thorneyeagle in response to “The Beggar’s Seder” asked:

I ponder; every year when the Seder comes around, we talk of the four children; the wise child, the wicked child, the simpleton, and the one who does not know how to ask a question.

when we bring up the wicked son we talk about how he asks “What does this story mean to you”…I ponder…is that exactly what he asks…in the way its worded it sounds like he is not excluding himself from the story but wants to know what you think.

In answering this question one must look at it from many perspectives:

The wicked child … The second child is wicked and speaks with pride, in­tending to denigrate the observance. This is the child alluded to in the verse, “When your children say, ‘What is this service to you?’” (Exodus 12:26). He is not asking the reason for the service in order to understand. The Torah does not say that these children will “ask,” but that they will “say.” Rather than asking a question, they are using the Seder as an occasion to make a statement (Zevach Pesach).

He speaks up and says:

“Why are you going through all this bother? Why are you delaying the meal by reciting the Haggadah and performing all these other rituals? I’m tired and hungry. How can I enjoy the holiday if I must be burdened by so many rituals?”

Both the wise child and the wicked one say the word “you,” but in a very different tone of voice. The wise child speaks of “G-d our L-rd,” while the wicked one does not mention G-d at all.

Instead he says:

“What is all this work (avodah) to you? Why are you doing all this and bothering us so much on this night of the holiday?” He also denies the com­mandments, and implies that they were not given by G-d. He therefore does not speak of the service as being “commanded by G-d,”

His attitude and disrespect embarrasses his parents and family as he continues:

“You are only celebrating Passover for your own enjoyment. You are preparing and eating delicious meat and good foods. You’re having a good time drinking four cups of fine wine. And then you say that it’s something that G-d commanded you. Do you think that G-d cares what you eat and drink?”

By excluding himself from the observance, this child is considered to have denied the essence of Judaism.

You must therefore give this child such a blunt answer as to set his teeth on edge. He is not to be allowed even to taste the Paschal Lamb. Let him watch you eat the fragrant, tasty Iamb, and sit there grinding his teeth.

When he looks hungrily at the offering, tell him, “Because of this-in the merit of this Paschal Lamb-God did wonders and miracles for me when I left Egypt. In the merit of rituals such as these we were freed from Egypt. God gave us these rituals so that we would have the merit to deserve redemption from Egypt, and to escape the plague of the killing of the first-born.

“God did this for me-for me and not for you. If you had been in Egypt, you would not have been delivered. A wicked person like you, who does not believe in the commandments of the holy Torah, would certainly have died during the three days of darkness. During those days, many people like you died. God does not perform miracles for people like you” (Zevach Pesach).

The wicked son has the potential of changing his whole outlook, by noting that rasha (wicked) shares the same letters as sha’are (gateway). A person can find a gateway to G-d at all times, even when he is in the depths of wicked­ness.

The wicked son has excluded himself from the people at large – The Hebrew atzmo translated as “himself,” can also be rendered as “his essence.” Each Jewish person, regardless of his background or level of observance, pos­sesses a unique Divine essence. His soul is a spark of G-d. However, the wicked son consciously separates himself from that essence and, in doing so, cuts himself off from the totality of the Jewish people.

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Pesach was approaching quickly and everyone was preparing for the holiday. Once two Jewish beggars were traveling together. One beggar told the other to go to the shul (synagogue), and the Jewish householders would have pity on him and invite him to a seder. 

And so it was, both beggars were invited to seders. The evening started with Kiddush, and the one beggar thought to himself, “Good wine means good food.” As the seder continued to karpas, the beggar was given a green vegetable and thought, “Wine now a piece of salad, this is going to be a great meal.” The seder progressed as there was much discussion until it came to the part of matzah. The beggar was given a piece of matzah, and thought, “Thank goodness the meal is about to begin.” After eating the matzah, the beggar was given a piece of maror (bitter herb – horseradish) which burned his mouth and made his eyes water. He jumped up from the table and ran out the door. 

“How was your Seder?” asked one beggar to the other. The unhappy beggar then told him what had happened. They gave me 2 cups of wine, a sprig of parsley, a dried cracker (matzah) and hot stuff. It was torture so got up and left!” 

“Fool!” replied the one beggar to the other. “If you had waited just a little longer, you would have had a fine meal, as I had.” 

The same is true when we want to come close to G-d. After all the effort to begin, we are given a little bitterness. This bitterness is needed to purify the body. But we might think that this bitterness is all there is to serving G-d, so we run away from it. This is a mistake. If we would only wait just a short while — if we would allow ourselves to be purified – then we would experience every joy and delight in the world in our closeness to G-d.

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We learn that when one says echad in the Shema they should draw out the word and concentrate on its meaning, One. The four sons represent the full spectrum of Jewish observance from the learned to the wicked to the uneducated. Each are imbued with a special way of approaching their Divine service.

There once was a tzaddik, holy rabbi, who would before beginning his own Seder, walk aound the village and listen how different people they conducted their Seder. As he walked down the cobblestoned alleys of of the village he could hear from all sides the voices of his simple people singing and reciting the narrative of the Haggadah, each in his own way. He once stopped still near the wooden shutters of one of the cottages and heard a voice reading aloud: “The Torah speaks of four sons: one wise, one wicked, one simple, and one who does not know how to ask questions. And every time the reader came to the word for “One”— echad — he would cry it out aloud with prolonged concentration, just as people do when they say the Shema.

The holy rabbi was delighted, and commented later that this simple man had made out of the Four Sons of the Haggadah — including even the wicked son — a powerful prayer, a prayer as holy as the Shema.

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