Once Upon A Time in the
Land of Separation
and Divorce...
Children thrust into the
battles of separation and divorce often bear the brunt of the anger,
bitterness and frustration of their parents. They feel the pain and
uncertainty of their parents, and often become lost in disputes
involving the courts and other strangers.
Words like "custody", "visitation", "child
support" and "court" trigger fear and confusion in children as they
try to define these words and concepts. The key to helping the
children understand lies in simple stories.
Storytelling is one of the oldest arts in the
world, the first conscious form of literary communication. In many
cultures it still survives, and it is not an uncommon to see a group
of people held by the simple narration of a story. There are signs of
a growing interest in this ancient art, and we may yet live to see
the renaissance of the storyteller and the troubadour. One of the
surest signs of a belief in the educational and healing powers of the
story is its introduction as a valuable tool available to parents,
lawyers, social workers, mental health practitioners and educators.
It is just at the time when the imagination is most keen, the mind
being unhampered by accumulation of facts, that stories touch the
listener and heals the hurt.
For children, storytelling is more important
now than ever before. So many forms of entertainment for children
provide the images for them, and children need activities which
require their own imaginations to be active. Among storytelling's
many benefits to children, the development of imagination is one of
the most significant. Storytelling teaches children a great deal
about the use of language, problem solving, and values. Not to be
forgotten in all of this is the simple fact that storytelling is fun,
and that children love stories first and foremost because it delights
them.
Long before pen was set to paper, fairy tales,
legends and stories existed as a means to heal and transfer knowledge
from one generation to another.
The emphasis upon science and technology has
devaluated the importance of imagination and fantasy and thereby
hindered ability of children to explore options to address their
needs for comfort and security. Stories can be used by parents,
attorneys representing children, educators and mental health
providers for any type of problem and for any age by adapting their
content or the manner in which they are told. The use of such stories
is, therefore, a powerful technique for treating children who have
been abused and traumatized in the separation and divorce process.
Because they appear to have the capacity to make a dramatic and
positive difference in the functioning of many of the children who
are exposed to them, use of stories may well become a standard
technique of parents, attorneys representing children, educators and
mental health providers, regardless of their orientation.
Children see kings, queens and knights in a
shining armor. They talk to animals and wish on stars. The wonder and
creativity of children is boundless. Stories empower, define and most
importantly offer comfort. The parent who tells their children
stories gives them special gifts the heal and teach. The attorney who
tells stories to the children they represent to reassures them they
are safe and that it is okay to express their fears and concerns.
Mental health providers and social workers who use stories help
children find options and answers. Teachers open a whole world of
mystery and wonder to discover in through the magic of stories. As
wonderful as storytelling for children is, it should be remembered
that storytelling is not just for children. On the contrary,
throughout most of its existence, storytelling has been primarily for
adults.
Courtesy of
Shalom Counseling
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