She was traveling to far away places, trying to find herself. She had a loving family and could not wait to tell them of her adventures. One day she received a letter from her mother that forever changed her life. Her father died in a tragic accident.

She sat devasted thinking, she was too young to be without a father, and yet she was.

He was too young to die, and yet he did.

All the answers to all the questions she hadn’t asked him, were now lost forever, because she believed he would always be there for her

She closed her eyes and in her mind’s eye she saw him, old but never frail, many years from now, always ready whenever she needed him to console her, advise her, disapprove of her latest boyfriend.

Instead, she found herself journeying back home, unable to stem the flow of tears that seemed to come without her even realizing it half the time.

she cried constantly, not eating because in her grief she wasn’t hungry. It seemed the closer she got to home the darker the world became, and she cried more.

The sun was out in full force, such a lovely day it angered her, it should have been pelting down with rain, hail, thunder, something to match the storm going on inside, but nothing, and so she cried some more.

People gathered in full force to come and say goodbye, and she saw people she never knew crying for beloved father, so many people, the casket was lowered into the grave and her heart seemed to sink into the earth at the moment. She was so glad for the many people that shared this pain with her, it is so heavy upon her shoulders she needed others to carry her for a while.

In the days after the funeral, the fog of grief and sadness slowly cleared and she began to feel like herself. At times, she was angry at him for leaving, even though he never wanted to leave. Mostly, she was angry at herself for letting so many so many opportunities to spend time with her father, learn from him, talk to him.

She won’t get another chance to do so, but she can still hear him talk to her, she knows what he would say when she makes unwise decisions or when she just needs advice. Her father’s voice now has more authority than ever, because she has a debt to pay to him, she owes him big time.

A thing like this rips your heart. It is unexplainable in words alone, unless you have been there yourself. A person can imagine the pain of losing someone they love, but reality surpasses all imagination, and how she wishes it wasn’t so.

Her father loved to talk, discuss, and teach, he would get you into a conversation and before you knew it was the wee hours of the morning, your cheeks burning, your mouth yawning but your mind still racing to keep up with him and his arguments.

Her father taught her to question things, to not take anything for granted, to strive to be a better person, and she wanted to tell you he was here, sorry you missed him…

May all your tales end with Shalom (Peace)

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