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Tag: gossip

An Open Gate, the World to Come and Speech

Posted on Tuesday, 13, April, 2021Tuesday, 24, October, 2023 by Rabbi

“Who left the garden gate open?” shouted the villager as he entered his cottage, “Those blasted goats have been at the vegetables again. It’s had enough that they jump over the wall every once in a while and do their damage. How many times do I have to warn you to keep the gate closed or we won’t have any garden left.”

His frightened family promised to follow this rule in the future and for a few days everything went well. But one day one of the children, in a hurry to join his friends, forgot to shut the gate. Some neighborhood hogs entered the garden and pulled out all the vegetables with their roots. When the villager returned home and saw what had happened he became furious. “That’s the last straw. We need vegetables from our garden in order to have enough food to eat, I see that I can’t rely on my family to keep the garden gate shut so I am going to wall up the gate opening so that those hogs will never get in again to destroy my garden.” “But Father,” asked one of his children, “how will we get in and out of the house if there is no gate?” “I am sorry,” was the reply, “but we still just have to climb over the wall each time.”

“But won’t it look ridiculous climbing over a wall every time you enter or leave home?” “It’s better to look e little ridiculous,” replied the father, “than to go hungry.”

Lashon Hara

A person’s lips are the gate for his tongue, whenever there is a temptation to speak evil gossip or make fun of somebody the gate must be closed so that the hogs don’t enter.” But if a person sees that he surrenders to the temptation of misusing his power of speech then he must sometimes wall up the gate by periodical exercises in silence. He may seem ridiculous to others as he tries in get along without speaking but if this is the only way to save himself from the terrible sins of a careless tongue then it is better to look silly in this world than to be ashamed in the World to Come. (Who Wants Life) (think before speaking)

May all your tales end with Shalom (peace)

Click here for more storytelling resources

Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. (Joel 1:3)

Rachmiel Tobesman is a motivational speaker and Maggid (spiritual Storyteller). He is available for speaking engagements or storytelling, Click here to contact us

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Posted in language, lashon harah, Stories, UncategorizedTagged ethics of language, gossip, Lashon Hara, mouth, short stories, slander, World to ComeLeave a Comment on An Open Gate, the World to Come and Speech

Loshon hara – A Salty Conversation

Posted on Friday, 19, February, 2021Tuesday, 20, September, 2022 by Rabbi

Tam and Chacham once set out together on a journey to do a d’var mitzvah (a deed of religious importance) in a faraway country. They traveled to many places and were welcomed with much respect and honor.

In one village they stopped at an inn known for its high stan­dards of kashrus (kosher). They were seated at a special table set with a linen tablecloth and fine dishes, for the woman who owned the inn recognized them to be learned and holy rabbis.

She had them served promptly, and when they finished the meal she approached them and asked, “So how did you like my food?” she asked the rabbis. “Oh, it was quite good,’ Chacham  replied, ” but the pea soup could have used more salt.”

When the woman left the dining room, Tam turned white. “I can’t believe what you have just done. Every day I try to avoid speaking or listening to loshon hara (unkind speech) and now the Holy One, blessed be He caused me to travel with you. I regret that I came here with you and I am convinced that the purpose of our trip is not for a holy purpose after all. Otherwise this would not have happened.”

Seeing Tam’s reaction, Chacham became confused and upset. “What did I say that was so wrong?” he asked. “I said that the food was good — I only added that the pea soup needed some salt.”

“You simply don’t realize the power of words.” Tam Sadly said. “Our hostess probably doesn’t do her own cooking. Her cook could well be a poor widow who needs this job to support her children. Now, because of what you said, the owner will go back to the kitchen and complain to the cook that the soup didn’t have enough salt. In self defense the poor widow will deny it and will say, “Of course I put enough salt in the soup. I even tasted it before you served it.”

“The owner will then accuse her of lying and say, “Do you think that the rabbis out there are liars? You are the one who is lying!” They will argue, strong words will lead to even stronger words and the owner will get so angry that she will fire the poor cook. The woman will then be out of a job. Look how many aveiros (sins) you caused:

  • You spoke loshon hara;

  • you caused the owner and myself to listen to loshon hara;

  • you caused the owner to repeat the loshon hara and that is the sin of rechilus (gossip);

  • you caused the cook to lie;

  • because of you the owner caused pain to a widow, and

  • you caused an argument, another Torah violation.”

Chacham smiled at Tam and said softly and respectfully, “Tam, my friend, certainly things are not as grim as you believe. Maybe, you are exag­gerating a little. You’re carrying this just a bit too far. A few simple words cannot possibly have done all that.”

Tam reminded Chacham, “We learn that ‘You shall not oppress a hired servant who is poor and needy, whether he is of your brothers, or of your strangers who are in your land inside your gates.’ (Deuteronomy 24:14) “If you really believe that I have overstated the situation,” answered Tam as he stood up, “let’s go to the kitchen and see for ourselves.”

As they opened the door to the kitchen, they saw that the owner was indeed scolding the cook as the poor woman stood wiping the tears from her eyes. When Chacham saw what was happening he became pale and ran over to the cook, begged forgiveness and apologized profusely for any harm or distress he may have caused her. He pleaded with the owner to forgive and forget the incident and begged her to let the woman stay on the job. He even offered to pay her to keep the cook.

The innkeeper was really a kindly woman and she also wanted to fulfill Chacham’s request. “Of course, of course,“ she said hastily. “I only wanted to impress on her the need to be more careful. She is really a fine cook and she will remain here at her job.”

Lashon hara

Split Pea Soup

6 cups broth or water

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 pound dried green split peas, rinsed

1 teaspoon dried oregano

2 medium onions, chopped

1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary

4-6 tablespoons margarine or oil

1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram

1/2 cup grated carrots

1/2 teaspoon ground cumin

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 garlic cloves, minced

1/4 teaspoon pepper

grated carrots and/or sliced scallions, for garnish

Directions

In a large pot or Dutch oven, sauté chopped onions and garlic in margarine or oil until translucent. Add spices and continue sautéing until fragrant. Add split peas and sauté for 5 minutes – stir frequently to avoid sticking.

Slowly add water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer until peas are tender, about 2-4 hours, stirring occasionally to prevent sticking.

Add salt and pepper; If desired, garnish with grated carrots and green onions.

May all your tales end with Shalom (peace)

Click here for more storytelling resources

Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. (Joel 1:3)

Rachmiel Tobesman is a motivational speaker and Maggid (spiritual Storyteller). He is available for speaking engagements or storytelling, Click here to contact us

Please share this story with family and friends and let us know what you think or feel about the stories in a comment or two. Like us on Facebook or tweet us on Twitter

If the stories are not shared they will be lost.

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Posted in lashon harah, Stories, Tam and Chacham, UncategorizedTagged derogatory speech, Deuteronomy 24:14, food stories, gossip, language, Lashon Hara, Loshon hara, rechilus, recipe stories, rumors, rumours, short stories, speech, split pea soup, Split pea soup recipe, Tam and ChachamLeave a Comment on Loshon hara – A Salty Conversation

A Student and His Old Teacher Learn about Language

Posted on Wednesday, 17, February, 2021Thursday, 8, February, 2024 by Rabbi

A student was learning about language with his old teacher. He tried to understand the lessons and apply them to his everyday life. After all, “Man was endowed with two ears and one tongue, that he may listen more than speak.” (ben haMelech ve’haNazir ch. 26, c. 1230 ce) That made sense. If a person doesn’t listen, how can they learn?

The student studied and learned that if a person wanted to have a long life, they would have to “keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit.” (Psalms 34:12–13) The student was troubled because as he learned more and more, he found fault with those around him.

He tried to bury himself in his studies. He reviewed his old teacher’s lesson that “the Old Tongue means: Guard your tongue and sanctify it with old words. (Likutei Moharan 292). As hard as he tried, the student constantly saw the many shortcomings of the people around him.

The student was at a loss and went to his old teacher for guidance. He entered the old teacher’s study and respectfully asked:

“What shall I do? My tongue causes me trouble and whenever I am among people, I cannot control it and I condemn them in all their good deeds and contradict them. What, therefore, shall I do?”

Lashon hara

The old teacher thought for a few moments and then answered him:

“You have fallen victim to the dangers of speech. Were we not warned that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits?” (Proverbs 18:21) Know that the sages of old taught that misused and negative speech “kills three people. It kills the one who speaks malicious speech, and the one who accepts the malicious speech when he hears it, and the one about whom the malicious speech is said.” (Arakhin 15b)

If you cannot control how you relate to those around you, go away from people and live alone, For this is a weakness—Those who live together with others ought not to be rigid, but pliable, In order to hear all and respond with understanding. Giving the opportunity for compassion.”

Further, the old teacher said: “I live alone not because of my virtue, but rather because of my weakness. You see, those who live among people are the strong ones.”

May all your tales end with Shalom (peace)

Click here for more storytelling resources

Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. (Joel 1:3)

Rachmiel Tobesman is a motivational speaker and Maggid (spiritual Storyteller). He is available for speaking engagements or storytelling, Click here to contact us

Please share this story with family and friends and let us know what you think or feel about the stories in a comment or two.

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If the stories are not shared they will be lost.

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Posted in language, lashon harah, Other Stories and thoughts, Stories, UncategorizedTagged Arachin 15b, Ethics of Speech, gossip, guard your tongue, language, Lashon Harah, Proverbs 18:21, short stories, speech, tongueLeave a Comment on A Student and His Old Teacher Learn about Language

Honesty and Lashon Hara

Posted on Wednesday, 4, September, 2019Wednesday, 21, September, 2022 by Rabbi

Managing a house can be very challenging. It happened that a husband wanted to ease the stress on his wife and so they decided to hire domestic to help with the needs of the home.

After many interviews, Rahima, a woman with an excellent reputation in the neighborhood was hired. Rahima seemed to be a perfect match to the needs of the wife. After speaking to her for a few moments, it was obvious that Rahima was just the person to relieve the overworked wife.

Everything was going very well until a neighbor, Yente Feiga, planted the seeds of distrust by mentioning that Rahima was Mizrachi – more Arab than Jewish.

Yente Feiga came to the house one morning and found Rahima briskly pushing a broom. “If a woman like Rahima agrees to work for you, she certainly does not do it for the sake of the meager salary you pay her.”

“So what else would she want?”

“You know how Arabs are. They steal!”

The husband and wife strongly rejected this baseless slander. Rahima would never do such a thing. A few days later, the wife noticed that while sweeping the floor, Rahima never looked her in the eye and the woman’s dress had very large pockets pockets.

As the days went by, the husband and wife carefully watched Rahima and noticed that as she was cleaning our silverware she seemed to smile. The suspicious signs grew in number. Tension mounted and became unbearable. The couple thought about calling the police.

The wife realized that so far all the “evidence” against Rahima was circumstantial. Yente Feiga offered her advice.

Lashon Hara

“You must trip her up. I told you her kind cannot be trusted.” Now listen carefully, “Hide something, for instance a bank note, somewhere in the house, and if she finds and does not return it, you can have her arrested.”

Next day the couple set the trap. After careful thought, they decided to hide a five-pound note under a rug.

When the husband and wife returned from the market that afternoon, Rahima met them,

“Shalom I found ten pounds under the rug while I was cleaning…”

The couple were ashamed and began to argue, “In fact I have always trusted our Rahima,” the wife said. “I knew you were wrong when you stubbornly insisted that such an honest woman could bring it upon herself to steal.”

“Oh, so it was I who said that she stole!” the husband shouted. “That’s a fine thing to say! For the past two days I have tried to protect this fine woman against your slanderous insinuations.”

“Hahaha. You’ve got to be joking.”

“So I am funny, what?”

“I lost my temper, but maybe you could tell me why you hid a ten-pound note under the rug, when we had agreed on a five-pound one? Had Rahima pinched the money—which naturally was out of the question—we would needlessly have lost five pounds.”

The couple did not speak to one another for hours.

When Rahima had finished her day’s work, she came to say good night.

“Good night, Rahima,” the wife said warmly. “Don’t be late tomorrow.”

“All right,” the domestic replied. “Is there anything madam wishes to give me?”

“Give you something? No, Rahima, I don’t think so.”

This answer sparked the neighborhood’s noisiest brawl in two thousand years.

“So madam does not want to give me anything!” Rahima shrieked, and her eyes spurted fire and brimstone. “And what about my money? Hey? You know only too well that you put a five-pound note under the rug, so that I should steal it!”

The wife changed color and the husband hung his head in shame. .

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Rahima became impatient. “Perhaps you want to keep my money?”

“Sorry, ma’am.” The husband answered filled with shame. “Here are your five pounds, ma’am.”

Rahima grabbed the five pounds out of his hand and put them into one of her large pockets.

“It goes without saying,” she added, “that I won’t work in a house where they steal. Luckily I found out in time. . . . One can’t trust anybody nowadays. . . . Terrible.”

The husband and wife never saw her again, and the worst part of the affair is that Yente Feiga spread the rumor all over the neighborhood that they tried to rob a poor woman.

May all your tales end with Shalom (peace)

Click here for more storytelling resources

Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. (Joel 1:3)

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Posted in language, lashon harah, Rabbi's thoughts and teaching, Stories, UncategorizedTagged evil speech, gossip, Jewish Stories, Lashon Hara, Rabbi Rock, Rachmiel TobesmanLeave a Comment on Honesty and Lashon Hara

The Three Daughters and the Evil of Tale Bearing

Posted on Sunday, 28, November, 2010Sunday, 25, September, 2022 by Rabbi

Once upon a time there lived a pious man, who had three daughters. The first one was a thief, the second was lazy and the third was a liar, who never spoke the truth and who sland­ered people whenever she had an opportunity.

One day a religious man, who had three sons, came to the city and said : “You have three daughters and I have three sons. Let us make a match between them.” But the father of the girls said: “Let me alone. My daughters are not good enough for your sons, for each one has a bad habit.” The father of the boys asked: “What are their bad habits?” The father of the girls replied: “One is a thief, the second is lazy, and the third is a lair.” The father of the boys asked: “Have they no other bad habits than these? If so I will cure them. Leave it to me.” So they were betrothed, and he took the girls with him and married them to his sons.

As soon as the weddings were over, he gave to the thief the keys to all his money and satisfied her greed so that she had no reason to steal. To the second he gave many servants so that she should have nothing  to do. And as to the third, he fulfilled all her wishes, so that she should not tell lies or slander anybody. And whenever the father-in-law left her house, he embraced and kissed her, for he hoped that by being good to her he would cure her of her evil quality and she would not slander any more.

One day the father came to see how his daughters were getting on. So he went to the first one and asked her how she was getting along with her husband, and how she was treated by her parents-in-law. She replied: “I thank you so much, father, for having given me in marriage to this man, for I have everything that my heart desires. And moreover, I have all the keys in my hand so that I do not have to steal.”

Then he went to his lazy daughter and asked her how she was getting on. And she also said: “I am so thankful to you, father, for having brought me here, for I need not lift a hand, I have many servants to tend to my every need, and my husband and parents-in-law all treat me very well.”

Then he came to the daughter who told lies to ask her how she was getting along, and she said: “You are a fine father! I thought you gave me one husband but it seems you gave me two, the father and the son. For no sooner does my husband leave the house than my father-in-law comes in and kisses me and hugs me and wants me to do his will. Dear father, if you do not believe it, come tomorrow morning and you will see it is true.”

Speech Lashon Hara

Next morning the father came and she put him in a room where he could see what was going on. Her father-in-law came as usual and kissed her and embraced her and said to her: “My dear daughter-in-law, how are you getting on? Is there anything you want?” He did all this with the good intention of curing her of her bad habit, but her father who saw it, grew furious and rushed out of his chamber and killed him. Then he tried to get away, but when her two brothers-in-law came home and found their father lying dead, they killed their father-in-law.

Then the slanderer began to shout: “Murder! Murder!” and they understood it was through her that the tragedy had occurred. So they killed her too, and thus through slander three persons lost their lives.

You can see what an evil thing it is to go tale bearing and slandering and telling lies. The rabbis of old taught: Why is the evil tongue called a thrice-slaying tongue? Because it slays three persons: the person speaking, the person spoken to, and the person spoken of. And the proof?  (Gen. R. 98:19; Y. Pesachim 1:1, 16a)

Listen well and learn how vicious is slander! It is more vicious than murder, adultery, and idolatry put together. In Scripture, each of these three transgressions is termed “great,” but slander is spoken of in the plural as “great things.” Thus, Cain said of murder, “My punishment is more great than I can bear” (Gen. 4:13); Joseph exclaimed of adultery, “How then can I do this great wickedness?” (Gen. 39:9); Moses said of idolatry, “Oh, this people have sinned a great sin” (Exod. 32:31). But of slander it is written, “The Lord shall cut off all flattering lips, the tongue that speaks great things” (Ps. 12:4), to tell you that slander is more vicious than the other three transgres sions. (MekiltaTehillim 52:2; B. Arachnin 15b)

May all your tales end with Shalom (peace)

Click here for more storytelling resources

Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. (Joel 1:3)

Please share this story with family and friends and let us know what you think or feel about the stories in a comment or two. Like us on Facebook or tweet us on Twitter

If the stories are not shared they will be lost.

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Posted in Derech Eretz, Faith, language, lashon harah, Rabbi's thoughts and teaching, Stories, UncategorizedTagged bible, Faith, gossip, Jewish Stories, Jewish Storytelling, Jewish thought, moral stories, Rabbi Rock, slander, Spirituality1 Comment on The Three Daughters and the Evil of Tale Bearing

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