Thoughts during a Funeral

"We learn that we are to ‘Deal graciously with the departed that you may be dealt with graciously, mourn, bury and accompany them to the grave.’ (Kesubos 72a), yet many push and shove to get close to the coffin during a funeral so that they can take part in the mitzvah of carrying the deceased and helping to fill in the grave. In this way, they feel that they are doing something for the benefit of the deceased, even though it is as clear as day that even if they didn't participate, the deceased would still be buried.’ “

"It is certainly a mitzvah to participate in these things, but why don't people do something which will really benefit the deceased, even after the funeral is over? We have been taught by our holy teachers of the past that a person's trial, along with the judgment that follows is decided after he is buried - so why don't people learn from the Holy Writings or say Tehillim (Psalms) for the elevation of the soul of the deceased?"

On another occasion, Tam added more on the same matter: "Some people who attend a funeral don't feel so concerned when they listen to the eulogies. It is written, ‘“funeral orators are punished for delivering false eulogies,’ (Berachos 62a) Too many people think there is no need to be that upset over his death.’ “

''But should we not all be concerned about the trial and judgment that the niftar (deceased) will now be facing? Instead of standing around and exchanging greetings and gossip at the funeral, wouldn't it be better to be saying Tehillim (Psalms) or thinking thoughts that will bring us to do teshuvah (repentance/retrospection) in order to help the tikkun hanefesh (repair of the soul) of the deceased? It would also be better if after the burial, people would not just go back home and forget about the funeral, thinking that it is over and there is nothing more that can be done. The correct thing would be to go home and pray, asking for the mercy of the Holy One, blessed be He so that the deceased will be spared from any harsh judgment that he might face. It is very important to remember to ‘walk reverently in a cemetery, blessed the deceased say: "tomorrow they will join us, and today they mock us. (Berachos 18a)' “

Courtesy of Shalom Counseling